I realized something on vaca in Cali for two weeks.
I'm done with guys.
Done.
Bring on the ladies...

(202): I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.

(617): I'm half single.
(773): Please tell me it's the bottom half.

(804): Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
(1-804): wow, that really makes you stop and think.

(410): That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
(301): Dude it was a lap dance

I just went through the most physically and emotionally draining day in my entire life.


BUT BUT BUT

it was completely worth it...

After 13 years I am finally seeing No Doubt again on tour.

Thank you for purchasing tickets to No Doubt's 2009 tour! Please find your order details and delivery instructions below.


ALL SALES ARE FINAL
7/31/2009
No Doubt, Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
Number of tickets: 2,
GA Pit All Ages
Ticket Delivery: Will Call
Total Service Fee: 14.80 (USD)
Tour Club Membership Fee: 15.00 (USD)
Total Delivery Cost: 0.00 (USD)

Total Ticket Cost: 209.80 (USD)


Some people may be wondering, hmm, isn't the Verizon Wireless Amp in CA? Yes, yes it is. And i'm from CT.
Yes, I'm flying across the country to see my favorite band because its the 2nd to last day of the tour and it's also my 26th birthday.

Coincidence?

Hell no!

I knew I would be on the road today so I knew that I had to get wifi access sometime before 7pm (when the tickets when onsale)
So I got to a Starbucks with my friends and after trying for an hour I finally got online. Ugh It was sooo frustrating. What a bunch of shit. Starbucks sucks. They claim they are WiFi but it's a joke. You have to buy a fucking Starbucks card, then register with AT&T and then register your card and then put money on the card and then, ONLY THEN, can you finally access the internet. And its shotty at best.

So I'm online. I'm ready to go and it's 15 of 7. So we all decide to go outside with our drinks and have a smoke. I close my mac and when I get back I realize that I have to go through the entire process of logging on again.

So now it's 7:03, 7:08, etc. I start to seriously panic and I'm actually tearing up. I never cry. I call my sister in hopes that she can access my fan club info and get me the pre-sale tickets and she is like, so confused.

Finally by a miracle I get on and (thank God I bookmarked the page) I quickly pull up the pre-sale page. I scroll down to 7/31 - Irvine and it says all seats are filled. I kept refreshing and refreshing and panicking and I'm on the phone with my sister, and crying and sooooo pissed that I went out for that stupid cigarette... and refreshing and refreshing and by then Megan had to drive Jo to her AA meeting so I told them to leave me at Starbucks and finally around 7:15 I got 2 tickets for some random section. I'm like, "holy shit. people who are checking out now and have shitty credit cards or whatever are losing their tickets" Because, see, if you buy tickets online, they will hold them for a certain amount of time. Within that time you need to have a valid credit card, etc, etc. And if it cant complete the transation the time is up and the tickets go back into the pool.

I've gotten great seats for years by doing this. There is also a way to get front row seats on the day of the show but that secret is for another post.

Anyways, I start frantically refreshing the page again. Over and over and finally. FINALLY FINALLY I got 2 tickets for the pit.


I gasped so loud the man next to me at starbucks asked me if I was okay. And I don't remember what I said but I remember snapping back and looking through my bag for my debit card.

I have never filled out an online form so quickly in my entire life. I was typing crazy and mispelled my names and capped it all because I was scared I was going to lose the fucking pit seats... but I didn't.

I finally got to the page and it said I was in.

For five minutes I just sat there. I saved the page on my desktop in case something happened and I just stared in disbelief.

I went from this emotional rollercoaster to finally being okay to just chill.

I got my tickets. I got pit. I got them for the same day as my birthday and I was shocked.

I still am.

Thank God

It has been quite a day. I feel like this entire month has been one very very long day. People get so excited about Christmas when it's early in the season you know... and then when the day is finally here... and then the day is over most people sit back and sigh "Well, I'm glad I got through that."

Another year. Another Christmas. Another holiday that people have no clue why they celebrate it since this country (world) is Godless.
But I'm a hypocrite since I didn't go to mass. Shit, I havent been to mass in years. I'm a filthy fucking hypocrite... but I also have serious mental health issues which prevents me from being at one place for too long. But that's already in the past.

I feel like my relationship with God is that, He knows I'm sick. and I don't blame Him. I mean, when I first got sick with the whole immune system stuff I got really angry and denonced him but that was just foolish and petty. But I feel like, He understands that it's hard for me to go anywhere. It's not just His house. It's anyones house. I mean, it's my friend Bri's party tomorrow and I haven't responded to the invite. I have 3 voicemails from this week that I havent listened to. I'm literally a social leper. It's just hard for me to like, socially be any sort of normal. It doesn't change how I feel about God. I feel Him around me... and I know what today means. Or maybe I'm just trying to save my ass. I could very well be a complete nutjob. But I know. I know He forgives me. The only problem is I doubt I can forgive myself.


So. To add to my antisocial behavior, I have watching this movie



since it's hard to sit still in the movie theater. I've been wanting to see this forever. I guess it was supposed to come out a while ago and then it never did and then it came out like, mid-December? Either way, I'm just excited to see it.

I'm sleepy... and the antibiotics are starting to really screw with my memory. I told my mom about it and she asked what the name of the medication was and she told me that she was put on those for something she had a couple of years ago. She said that they were extremely powerful and that it messed with her head a bit as well. I will ask someone for something and not know the name of it. Like I asked my sister for a bad of carrots and all I could get out was "orange vegtable" And it happened yesterday as well.

I don't know. Everything is fuzzy. Sometimes I feel like I'm almost a bit panicky which sucks because I hate that feeling. But it's like when you've smoked a good size amount of weed and you're coming down and you start to like, feel your body again. And you senses come back but you still feel like, out of body a bit.

I just hate that feeling. It's actually why I never was one to drink when I was young. I hated feeling out of my body or not in control.

I'm looking forward to doing absolutely nothing for the next 3 days but staying home. resting. cleaning my room. washing my clothes. and enjoying my Christmas gifts. Which at the moment I can't remember what I got. I feel very blessed though.

idgi?

how can they not know that they look like complete idiots?

I have pneumonia and a double ear infection and all I want to do is watch Hamlet 2 and Choke online and THEY ARE NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!!!!!!!!!!


I'm very annoyed.

I'm currently watching a marathon of...




it's glorious

I can't believe late night television. Not even late night but early morning. It's 2:22am and there is currently a show on called Jury Duty that brings in "celebrities" and they judge court case ala Judge Judy.

It was so pathetic, it was hilarious. The episode thats on consists of all "celebrity jurors" who have been in tv shows from the 70's & 80's. And they aren't even main character actors.

So sad.

Literally, who woke up one day and was like, "Oh my God. I have the best idea for a new show." I would rather watch infomercials. In fact, I miss infomercials.

Anyway, the only reason I'm up watching this pos show is because I'm waiting for my pcet to kick in so I can hopefully get some sleep. I haven't been physically in pain since before the surgery and since I can't take anything with aspirin for my joints I settled for childrens tylenol and percocets. It's weird too, because I know when I left the hospital I had a shitload and now I only have 2 left... so my mom must be taking them and in more pain than she has been telling me.

In other very very exciting news, my hair has started to fall out.

Ah, yes. The joys of taking a nice long shower only to find half of my hair on the floor of the tub. Ive been trying to just pull it back and style it in a different way so that its not noticeable but eventually it will be and eventually people will start asking questions or at least looking at me like they want to ask me a question but don't have the courage to actually ask it.

I think I'm going to go back for the other have of that percocet... :/

Boo

I'm posting from my blackberry and until I can get my laptop fixed sooner rather than latter, it looks like I will be doing most of my web-related stuff through my phone.

This totally suckssss. My computer itself is fine. My hard drives and everything are great but my lcd monitor is completely shot. It started flickering and getting really dim abd then bright again. This has been going on for almost a week and then I closed the top like I normally woul and when I opened it again it was literally pink. Random but something is going on. I tried to do a quick search and foud others with toshiba qosimos has lcd problems and if you are not under warrenty they will charge/cost about $600 bucks. Ughhh someone on that same forum mentioned how they should be sued for screwing over their customers like that. They know the monitors will start to get problems after ur warrenty runs out.

Now I'm in the position of do I fix it even though I know they are assraping me? Or should I bite the bullet and get a macbook that won't give me any problems but is, oh, $2,000 (at least)

I need advice.... What would you do?

I'm going to checkout the apple store tomorrow anyway. I just need to get some sort of laptop back, purchased or fixed since I'm started to get like SERIOUS withdrawls

Oh my...

I think I may have found a new job!

As some folks know, I work for my dad. Well one of his employees was upstairs and asked him what exactly I did. He told her that I do basic secretarial jobs as well as logging jobs in the system and other computer related tasks.

She asked if I would be willing to help her out with her business where she imports items from her home of South Africa, and sells them here in the U.S.

I was like "OMG YES!"

She is coming upstairs in a few to talk to me more about it! I'm so excited! She's South African born and raised and she is honestly the coolest lady here. My dad was like, "She is one of my favorite people"

I'm always so scared to change jobs because I'm terrified of failing and getting fired. But I know that if someone just teaches me what to do, I can learn and hopefully it will work out really well.

I shouldn't get ahead of myself, but I just hope that things are changing for me. I really do.

I'm lonely.

Been in this house too long...

i was surprised when I woke up and I was alive.
I guess I had a panic attack in the recovery room so some nurses had to hold me down while the other injected my IV with Ativan. I started to come down and feel better and I apologized and they said they get it all the time.

Honestly. That was the worst. Everything else was gravy. I loved the dilaudid.

Like, seriously.

It burned my veins and set my head on fire... but after that I felt like I could walk on the sun.

I would highly recommend getting 9 feet of intestines removed just for the room service alone.

Ah

I'm posting while in my pool and its fucking glorious!

The water temp is 84 and it feels amazing. I've been running around like crazy since I leave for vegas next friday. I want to get a cute tan sans the cancer. But ya. So fucking nice. Ahhhh

I'm gonna go do the butterfly or whatever lol

Ugh


I eel like shit.
I haven't been sleeping well at all.
The weather went from 60's to 100 within days and my body is struggling to keep up.
I had to do set up for two lunch meetings today and I was in so much pain by lunchtime.

Thank God I went in early since I was able to leave at 2pm.
As soon as I got home I jumped out of my work clothes, ate something really quick and then popped a vicodin.

Now I'm planning on waiting until it kicks in and passing out for the rest of the day/night.

I think I'm going to watch the Joe Schmo Show that i downloaded





SUCH A GOOD SHOW! Omg! I friggen love Matt Kennedy Gould :)

cracka ass cracker.

I'm sucking on a BlowPop at work. idgaf. I hate my job. I hate hate hate hate hate my job.
I sick at a fucking desk. And do fucking stupid shit. All fucking day.

I would rather work in retail than have to be alone up here staring at a screen for hours.

Especially when there is no work to do.

My dads like, "But what will you do? How will you live?" and I swear, it's like he's never thought of any other type of employment besides desk jobs.

My sister and I need to move out west and start anew. We need to do what we always wanted to do. I just don't know how to seriously sit her down and explain to her that we need to do this now. While we are young and still don't have a lot of shit holding us down. I know once I bring her to Vegas she will fall in lose with the west. It's totally different out there. It's all congested and negative up here in the Northeast... it just totally takes a toll on you after a while.

I'm tired of not living the life I want to be living.